Here's some background knowledge before I begin: on Monday, I went to a rock concert, which my ex also went to. I didn't see him, if you're wondering. My friend, knowing that we were both at the same concert, was inquiring about whether I saw him or talked to him recently.
As most of you know, this week is my first phase of midterms. I've been completely exhausted for the past week, and falling asleep has never been an easy thing for me, but this week was particularly better. So 2 nights ago, I woke up feeling shocked, anxious, and scared - I had a nightmare. About my ex.
In the nightmare, we were sitting on the couch in his dorm, talking about something general (probably about school). He said something funny, from what I can remember, and we were laughing, too. The atmosphere was positive, with the absence of tension between us. Then suddenly, through a midlife, I was shocked with the touch of his lips against mine. Suddenly, he was kissing me, one hand on my waist and the other on my cheek.
The natural reaction is to get out of this situation - so I did. I pushed him away from me, and ran away. For some reason, his living area had two entries, and maybe it was because I was in a dream, but I ended up running in a circle.
I kept running and running, and eventually, I couldn't run away from him.
That's when I woke up, feeling scared.
I dragged this nightmare on my shoulder throughout the day, and still - two days later - it weighs me down. I haven't told anyone about this yet, not even my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him about my bad history with my ex. It's not that he doesn't know about the bad parts, but the REALLY bad parts? I haven't found the courage to tell him. It's scary.
There are things that I still carry around with me (not physical things, but emotional scars). I can't even begin to tell him about them. I don't know where to start - the bad, or the ugly? These things haunt me. I can't completely rid myself of my ex, and that scares me.
As most of you know, this week is my first phase of midterms. I've been completely exhausted for the past week, and falling asleep has never been an easy thing for me, but this week was particularly better. So 2 nights ago, I woke up feeling shocked, anxious, and scared - I had a nightmare. About my ex.
In the nightmare, we were sitting on the couch in his dorm, talking about something general (probably about school). He said something funny, from what I can remember, and we were laughing, too. The atmosphere was positive, with the absence of tension between us. Then suddenly, through a midlife, I was shocked with the touch of his lips against mine. Suddenly, he was kissing me, one hand on my waist and the other on my cheek.
The natural reaction is to get out of this situation - so I did. I pushed him away from me, and ran away. For some reason, his living area had two entries, and maybe it was because I was in a dream, but I ended up running in a circle.
I kept running and running, and eventually, I couldn't run away from him.
That's when I woke up, feeling scared.
I dragged this nightmare on my shoulder throughout the day, and still - two days later - it weighs me down. I haven't told anyone about this yet, not even my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him about my bad history with my ex. It's not that he doesn't know about the bad parts, but the REALLY bad parts? I haven't found the courage to tell him. It's scary.
There are things that I still carry around with me (not physical things, but emotional scars). I can't even begin to tell him about them. I don't know where to start - the bad, or the ugly? These things haunt me. I can't completely rid myself of my ex, and that scares me.