That night was probably a bad idea. One of the worst ideas I’ve ever had, even.
I asked Amelia if we could stay friends. Thing is, it sounds like an ordinary request on the surface, but I happened to breakup with her on the exact same day. Only, it was 6 hours before.
So, she probably freaked out twice as much.
I had my intentions, okay? She was the one who made me promise that we’d stay friends no matter how bad the breakup. We both knew how important we were to each other, how close we’d become to know it was senseless to throw a friendship away.
So on Wednesday, I tried to approach her at school; I planned to meet her at her locker in the morning so we could talk it out. I knew she was hurt about the breakup – believe, I was too – but I wanted to keep my promise to her. It didn’t go as planned – I guessed she got to school early that day because she never went to her locker that morning at 8:30AM.
And even for the rest of the day, I never saw her. Not at the lunch table with her friends, not at her locker, not even in the hallways. I even went to our favourite spot, the park, and there was no sign of Amelia.
For the entire day, I looked for her. I asked a couple of her friends if they’ve seen her, but they said no. They’ve seen her in classes, but that’s it. They didn’t see her at lunch.
My last resort was Ethan. He was, by far, her best friend. Everyone knew it. Even before the whole Amber situation, he was always there for her. Every time I saw them walking together, they always stumbled in the hallways laughing, or filling each other is on the latest gossip.
When the end-of-school bell rang, I ran to his locker. I needed his help, to help me talk to Amelia about it. Surely, he could understand how important it was to save mine and Amelia’s friendship. By the time I arrived at his locker, he was already there. No sign of Amelia, which was good. I needed to talk to Ethan without interruptions, or awkward glances from people.
“Hey Ethan, I need to talk to you.”
Ethan was probably not in the best mood because his face had no trace of a smile. He turned to me and said in a monotone voice, “Leo what did you do this time?”
“Look, I need your help. Amelia’s been ignoring me for 2 days, and every time I try to find her, she’s not there. No one knows where she is, they only see her in class.”
“Okay, go on.”
“I want you to convince her to be friends with me. I know I ended things badly with her, but she was the one who made me promise to stay friends. I seriously don’t know what to do at this point. You’re her best friend, she’ll listen to you.”
Ethan was silent. I couldn’t read his face. Would he help me in my time of need?
“I know I’m asking a lot, but it’s urgent. C’mon Ethan, help me out here.”
I was desperate. I was so desperate, I didn’t quite hear it clearly when Ethan finally spoke.
“Leo, you’ve messed up. Big time. Every time, if I must say. I don’t know what’s happened between you guys in the past few days. She hasn’t spoken to me at all, probably because I haven’t seen her either.”
He continued.
“Dude, you’re not good for her – as a boyfriend and as a friend. She needs someone who can be there for her, someone who can understand what she’s facing at home. She needs someone who, for once, puts her as first priority, not second. She’s my best friend and she deserves better.”
I began to speak, but he cut me off.
“You were a good friend to her, but a shit boyfriend. Each time she ran to me crying after a fight with you, she would wipe away the tears and tell me that you were worth the tears. She would tell me that it’s just another obstacle, that you guys will eventually get over it. I didn’t believe any of that crap, but she did. She loved you. She always wanted to go above and beyond for you. But she couldn’t, not in the way you wanted. So she went around all her family problems, sneaking out to see you, spending lunches with you instead of her friends. She put you before her friends, her family. She loved you so much, she was willing to risk everything she had just to be with you. She didn’t care about the consequence, no matter how bad.”
He paused. He wasn’t telling me things that I didn’t already tell myself.
“So no, I won’t help you. She doesn’t need you as a friend. She doesn’t need you at all. She’ll only cry more, only miss you more, and only see you as someone she loves. She’ll never get over you. She deserves better. You’re not better. You’re crap.”
“Ethan, if you could just listen for a second— “
“Save your excuses – I already knew about the breakup because Ruby told me about it when she and Amelia were in class. How dare you even try to be friends with her right after you broke up with her, and so soon too! Do you even know how much pain you’ve caused? She’s unfocused, and the last thing she needs in her life is you. But what she does need is to get her grades back up so that she can get into her dream school. Please, stop ruining her life. You created the mess, and now you’ve fixed it. You broke up with her. You made that decision. Not her. But that was a good decision because she deserves so much better. She can get better. So I’m going to leave now because you’re wasting my time. You’ve wasted enough of hers, I don’t need you wasting mine, too. Bye, Leo.”
He walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway. I was speechless.
All the things he said we re true, but it was still hard to accept. She did deserve better. More.
I couldn’t give her that. It wasn’t possible for me to.
But I could also feel this emptiness rising inside me – I knew I couldn’t live a good life without her in it. I knew that my life got darker now, even though I wanted it to be brighter.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I asked Amelia if we could stay friends. Thing is, it sounds like an ordinary request on the surface, but I happened to breakup with her on the exact same day. Only, it was 6 hours before.
So, she probably freaked out twice as much.
I had my intentions, okay? She was the one who made me promise that we’d stay friends no matter how bad the breakup. We both knew how important we were to each other, how close we’d become to know it was senseless to throw a friendship away.
So on Wednesday, I tried to approach her at school; I planned to meet her at her locker in the morning so we could talk it out. I knew she was hurt about the breakup – believe, I was too – but I wanted to keep my promise to her. It didn’t go as planned – I guessed she got to school early that day because she never went to her locker that morning at 8:30AM.
And even for the rest of the day, I never saw her. Not at the lunch table with her friends, not at her locker, not even in the hallways. I even went to our favourite spot, the park, and there was no sign of Amelia.
For the entire day, I looked for her. I asked a couple of her friends if they’ve seen her, but they said no. They’ve seen her in classes, but that’s it. They didn’t see her at lunch.
My last resort was Ethan. He was, by far, her best friend. Everyone knew it. Even before the whole Amber situation, he was always there for her. Every time I saw them walking together, they always stumbled in the hallways laughing, or filling each other is on the latest gossip.
When the end-of-school bell rang, I ran to his locker. I needed his help, to help me talk to Amelia about it. Surely, he could understand how important it was to save mine and Amelia’s friendship. By the time I arrived at his locker, he was already there. No sign of Amelia, which was good. I needed to talk to Ethan without interruptions, or awkward glances from people.
“Hey Ethan, I need to talk to you.”
Ethan was probably not in the best mood because his face had no trace of a smile. He turned to me and said in a monotone voice, “Leo what did you do this time?”
“Look, I need your help. Amelia’s been ignoring me for 2 days, and every time I try to find her, she’s not there. No one knows where she is, they only see her in class.”
“Okay, go on.”
“I want you to convince her to be friends with me. I know I ended things badly with her, but she was the one who made me promise to stay friends. I seriously don’t know what to do at this point. You’re her best friend, she’ll listen to you.”
Ethan was silent. I couldn’t read his face. Would he help me in my time of need?
“I know I’m asking a lot, but it’s urgent. C’mon Ethan, help me out here.”
I was desperate. I was so desperate, I didn’t quite hear it clearly when Ethan finally spoke.
“Leo, you’ve messed up. Big time. Every time, if I must say. I don’t know what’s happened between you guys in the past few days. She hasn’t spoken to me at all, probably because I haven’t seen her either.”
He continued.
“Dude, you’re not good for her – as a boyfriend and as a friend. She needs someone who can be there for her, someone who can understand what she’s facing at home. She needs someone who, for once, puts her as first priority, not second. She’s my best friend and she deserves better.”
I began to speak, but he cut me off.
“You were a good friend to her, but a shit boyfriend. Each time she ran to me crying after a fight with you, she would wipe away the tears and tell me that you were worth the tears. She would tell me that it’s just another obstacle, that you guys will eventually get over it. I didn’t believe any of that crap, but she did. She loved you. She always wanted to go above and beyond for you. But she couldn’t, not in the way you wanted. So she went around all her family problems, sneaking out to see you, spending lunches with you instead of her friends. She put you before her friends, her family. She loved you so much, she was willing to risk everything she had just to be with you. She didn’t care about the consequence, no matter how bad.”
He paused. He wasn’t telling me things that I didn’t already tell myself.
“So no, I won’t help you. She doesn’t need you as a friend. She doesn’t need you at all. She’ll only cry more, only miss you more, and only see you as someone she loves. She’ll never get over you. She deserves better. You’re not better. You’re crap.”
“Ethan, if you could just listen for a second— “
“Save your excuses – I already knew about the breakup because Ruby told me about it when she and Amelia were in class. How dare you even try to be friends with her right after you broke up with her, and so soon too! Do you even know how much pain you’ve caused? She’s unfocused, and the last thing she needs in her life is you. But what she does need is to get her grades back up so that she can get into her dream school. Please, stop ruining her life. You created the mess, and now you’ve fixed it. You broke up with her. You made that decision. Not her. But that was a good decision because she deserves so much better. She can get better. So I’m going to leave now because you’re wasting my time. You’ve wasted enough of hers, I don’t need you wasting mine, too. Bye, Leo.”
He walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway. I was speechless.
All the things he said we re true, but it was still hard to accept. She did deserve better. More.
I couldn’t give her that. It wasn’t possible for me to.
But I could also feel this emptiness rising inside me – I knew I couldn’t live a good life without her in it. I knew that my life got darker now, even though I wanted it to be brighter.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!