Today was my first day of the Winter semester! Had such a great day, since I finally got to attend the Psychology class I've been waiting forever to take. The prof's super chill, and I love psychology, so it's a blast. I'm probably retaining more information than I think.
And while this will be a great semester (because of this course), I'm still not getting much sleep in. I have the time to sleep, but I don't actually sleep.
It's frustrating, really, when I sleep early, and suddenly wake up in the middle of the night only to realize that I've only gotten a couple hours of sleep.
Like last night, I slept at 11pm (which is early for me - I'm a night owl). I woke up at 4AM, and despite how tired I was, I couldn't fall back asleep. I tossed and turned for a good hour, then stared at the ceiling for another. I got out of bed before the alarm went off.
And while this will be a great semester (because of this course), I'm still not getting much sleep in. I have the time to sleep, but I don't actually sleep.
It's frustrating, really, when I sleep early, and suddenly wake up in the middle of the night only to realize that I've only gotten a couple hours of sleep.
Like last night, I slept at 11pm (which is early for me - I'm a night owl). I woke up at 4AM, and despite how tired I was, I couldn't fall back asleep. I tossed and turned for a good hour, then stared at the ceiling for another. I got out of bed before the alarm went off.
I never get enough sleep, so I end up going to school all tired, and coming home exhausted. And when my family asks me the slightest thing, I snap at them. It just happens.
It's okay, coping during the day when I'm surrounded by friends and family. They're sociable, so it's much easier for me to mirror their behavior.
Sadly, I can't say that this "social" and "happy" version of me would last the night. I go to bed depressed, sad, lonely, feeling like crap. I get no sleep. I wake up the next day, although it feels like I never slept at all. When I do sleep for those 2 or 3 hours, I'm dreaming. But the dreams project my heart's desire, so I wake up with tears in my eyes.
Is this what it's come to - crying to fall asleep, and waking up crying?
It's scary, isn't it, what a smile can hide?
It's okay, coping during the day when I'm surrounded by friends and family. They're sociable, so it's much easier for me to mirror their behavior.
Sadly, I can't say that this "social" and "happy" version of me would last the night. I go to bed depressed, sad, lonely, feeling like crap. I get no sleep. I wake up the next day, although it feels like I never slept at all. When I do sleep for those 2 or 3 hours, I'm dreaming. But the dreams project my heart's desire, so I wake up with tears in my eyes.
Is this what it's come to - crying to fall asleep, and waking up crying?
It's scary, isn't it, what a smile can hide?