Hey guys! I realized I haven't really been posting much lately, especially since I've been so busy.
This summer was amazing, but super duper exhausting. I worked 2 jobs, mostly because I didn't think I would actually get the job. This is the first summer I've actually worked, and let me tell you, working is not easy. There are the goods and the bads - the goods are usually having the usual customers say hi to you. The bads are usually about coworkers being nasty and tired. Either way, that's the workplace environment.
So for 2 months, I worked 7 days a week. I loved it. I got to meet so many new people, many of whom I became friends with; the experience working in two different industries (food and childcare) was both valuable and challenging.
But this summer, I worked so much because I didn't want to face the reality of still healing from the breakups, or dealing with the fact that my dad was neglecting us. I keep saying that I don't care, that I'll move on because that's how life works. I keep telling myself, "move on from this, they're not worth your time." My feelings didn't reflect these words though - instead, it pushed me farther into the darkness the more I began to deny them.
It was terrible.
There were days when I arrived to work severely depressed, wondering if I should take a day off. Some people would say, "oh you work so much, of course you're not happy every single day!" What they don't know is that I have anxiety issues in certain settings and around certain people; on top of that, well - the depression.
Then, there were the days when I looked at myself in the mirror, mentally tearing myself apart. And slowly, as the summer progressed, the self hatred also began to reveal itself.
This summer was amazing, but super duper exhausting. I worked 2 jobs, mostly because I didn't think I would actually get the job. This is the first summer I've actually worked, and let me tell you, working is not easy. There are the goods and the bads - the goods are usually having the usual customers say hi to you. The bads are usually about coworkers being nasty and tired. Either way, that's the workplace environment.
So for 2 months, I worked 7 days a week. I loved it. I got to meet so many new people, many of whom I became friends with; the experience working in two different industries (food and childcare) was both valuable and challenging.
But this summer, I worked so much because I didn't want to face the reality of still healing from the breakups, or dealing with the fact that my dad was neglecting us. I keep saying that I don't care, that I'll move on because that's how life works. I keep telling myself, "move on from this, they're not worth your time." My feelings didn't reflect these words though - instead, it pushed me farther into the darkness the more I began to deny them.
It was terrible.
There were days when I arrived to work severely depressed, wondering if I should take a day off. Some people would say, "oh you work so much, of course you're not happy every single day!" What they don't know is that I have anxiety issues in certain settings and around certain people; on top of that, well - the depression.
Then, there were the days when I looked at myself in the mirror, mentally tearing myself apart. And slowly, as the summer progressed, the self hatred also began to reveal itself.